another letter to Wesley :) a response to one, really!

Dear Manoj and everyone,IMG_0827.JPG

Dear Manoj and everyone,

Thank you for the letter.

It’s indeed sad that we don’t seem concerned (well, it could be silence of helplessness) about what happens on our church grounds.   Or could it be that we (the congregation) like children in our homes leave it to parents and feel secure to go about living life and thus adding color to all lives (the parents included), did we then just, leave it to the PC?   And then came a grandpa and chased away the parents?  And the children now have to grow up overnight?

The charges are serious, and even though we know that there has been correctives and reprimands that has followed this letter, it has been outside of those addressed here – at the diocese offices.   And because we as a Wesley family are unaware we might be waiting on a larger discrepancy, a sin of omission perhaps, therefore not so serious we may contend!   But, it really just leads us further into our cocoon of apathy.  And that really is just a wasted chance of experiencing the Joie de vivre of togetherness… The 2 or 3 in His name and He will be in our midst?!

When we do away with the processes or not replace it with better ones it will lead us to this bleak deep darkness.    These processes and the guidelines to lead us in spirit were laid down in wisdom and by invoking the presence of the Maker by those who came before us (founding fathers/mothers).  So in our doing away with systems that are to be followed, we mock the creator and then His creation.


In these 3 years of this new PC we have had zilch done because all committees have been brought to naught by the Chair almost immediately after the meetings are done – even just speaking of the committees I have been on.  Reduced to the expenses incurred on chai and vadas for that evening.   And talking of the PC:  it has led into some dark depth and was soon condemned to non-existence, and is now the furthermost from the good intentions the many newcomers and young had brought to this present PC.  I suppose most of the intentions now roast on the kitchen-fires they have been asked to ‘go blow’!.   How actively the office worked to keep people away from the grounds as much as possible:  and leaving people with nothing to do, and let them hide their light under the bushel also allowed them to keep their money away from here too.

So, when the grounds suddenly went abuzz 2 Sundays ago, after the treasurer asked for money/contribution into the empty coffers, the questions were the same, how has it come to this?  Shouldn’t the Treasurer bring this to the elected PC first?   OH!  There is no PC!   Well, if there is no PC why are the Treasurer and Secretary still called by their offices?

“Who said we could have a school in our grounds, who?  How can we run something we know nothing of? And that is eating up all the money, is it not?” one loud voice dared to ask of the bell tower, cause the other walls had not spoken in years.   See how our lack of process manifests itself?  People didn’t even know the major projects taken up, people don’t know of major projects being subverted and readied for the kill.  People with the capabilities and willingness to contribute are kept away so that small minds can expand their chair space in this public space.

As there is no-thing as too late as long as there is life, I suppose we must take this as a big kick in the posterior to wake up… no no, not to smell the coffee, that ship sailed!!


Going forward:

Our lessons therefore would be to find out who this ‘our church’ really is now, and not be defined by people who are not of us at all; even though theirs’ be the high offices.   In this age of narratives, we have been sunk by a loudly declared perception.   Let me give you a physical evidence of a narrative I refer to, even though that narrative may have failed in getting a letter from the pastor’s office into the Minority Cell Office. The evidence:  Wesley has been posted a new pastor!   He is a nice person we hear, though we hear lots of not nice about people from the diocese, and lots of not nice about the newly proposed incumbent too.  And like a senior pastor told us a couple of days ago, ‘every member of the clergy is brushed with a coat of slander, so that is nothing to go by’.  I can only but agree!   So, what we have been handed is a pastor who will serve out his last 2 years here!  And this step was taken because we (Wesley) are but a small bunch of old folks.  Yes! a few from the stationing committee stated that too.   Nothing wrong with a senior pastor for Wesley!  But, here is what maybe wrong for us, just from how it played out for us in the last decade:  if we thought that we will find direction only from the Shepherd we may be waiting on the apocalypse.


The other thing also is that, the corporate board room style is not for us (church) and the clergy and corporate takeovers and slime and personal slander, that is not how we conduct business at a public place of sanctity we call Church.  For Christ sake?!


My priest has often asked me, ‘what is this atmosphere we need to clean, that you talk about,  I don’t understand’.  Oh, that was easy like Sunday morning!   So, when people complained to him about the empty pews, his answer:  ‘what do you want me to do, stand at the gate and call people in?’.   if these are all accepted answers (well, even though they are just question for question) then the role of nurturing our community really lies in our hands – the spiritual and the bodily too.   The priest just comes to live in our compound for a few years.

May god help us to be the people he called us to become/transform.

The Church or being part of it is not a calling to come and be at the church all the time, that’s what is asked of by people who question the drastic deeds.  We just need to give our best to him in the time we got and let others do so too, this then will allow for all of us to work in the field.  This present system has very few participating, and therefore our giving is small and the name calling loud.    We!  Yes, We are the body of Christ, not I and my family alone.   So, if we continued the way we are today, of taking the office and position and keeping it at home.  We are doomed.   Our mandate as a church is to be open and love (charity) all!  And not like the charity of alms which really is not charity. Eg:  expecting the unquestioning obedience and gratefulness and meekness from the maid who was given your shirt that didn’t fit you anymore.   We have to continually work towards undoing wrongs and connecting again.   We must live the WORD that makes us the Church!  Just the loud utterances and whining about the other being be sinner is the way of the world, that the lord called us out of.   No shinning white cloth can hide our inner stains nor any Surf wash it away.  We will have to cling to the cross and believe and then take it up and walk.   Difficult?  Oh yes, and then NO!  He sent us an enabler/counselor/ Holy Spirit (John 7:38-39) and then love and our being together.


We live in a world in which we need to share responsibility. It’s easy to say “It’s not my child, not my community, not my world, not my problem.” -Fred Rogers, television host


So as much as there is clarity in looking back, we have to live forward with the lessons we got and go beyond the values that only money can bring.  Oh yes, money will get us new generator and stained-glasses and an office assistant to blame for all our wrongs. But no! No right?   His kingdom has no end!   Our behavior of not believing in the abundance brings about the destruction of His Church!

Ok! Enough said!  Now I will go and try and find my daily bread.

Oh and this lil quote: “All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.” – Edmund Burke  (


God bless you all



PS: Dr. Tony, we must be careful what we ask for, we might get it.   You definitely got me to do this  J.

PPS: all views addressed here are just my limited ones!

Ps: Dr. Tony, we must be careful what we ask for, we might get it.   You definitely got me to do this  🙂

and all views addressed here are just my limited ones!


the above is a response to this mail below!!!!

letter to PC 060218 – Building




The Neighbor – stay away from the window


The NeighborTheNeighbor2018

William Fichtner slow walk and working from home pace, is the pace of the movie’s narrative. It creeps upon you slowly and hits you on the head, bleddy hard too. I felt myself at various times restlessly wanting for the pace to pick up. Urging Mike (William Fichtner) to move faster – to his doom and even sometimes to safety. But no, and NO is right!

Mike with his easy routine and a wife who is intensely into her career and a son who is away is easily drawn into the distraction that moves next door. Beauty of the youth and as often as is its wont the recklessness of that phase of life which adds to the glow and zip, well, that somehow doesn’t sit well with you when you are older. WE know this but we continue to walk that path, so confident what was true to a million others will most definitely not be yours, and so does Mike, that damned slow pace doesn’t still help him get over that feeling of love/concern and that god-knows-what- is -this -thing that makes one feel this way. It does takes you down streets that has been your reluctant prayer to keep out of: keep me away from temptation. Oh how often we give into the other dictum: the best way to deal with temptation is to give into it. Oh, at various times it does even seems god sent, into your barren land an oasis for the many years of perseverance and boredom you braved. Oh, yes, deserving you say. Oh right, entitled!

Jenna (Jessica McNamee) is bang on as the forbidden fruit in the neighbor’s garden. Lovely, comely and also helpless, intelligent and sensitive, ‘perfect!’ as Mike’s friend Brain reassures him. You will find yourself tell Mike to walk away: hey Mike, ok you got to sip that much of the water now leave. And then even when circumstances turn right on its head to lead you away from the path to the house of the rising sun, cause the sun shine is always better on your neighbor’s grass. You can’t keep away, cause it’s as sweet as the leaf that Mike and Jenna shares. How am i to let a helpless girl fend for herself?

Mike’s darkness or his shade of gray leads him back on the road again and again. A familiar road actually as unique as it does feel to Mike at that time. But you already know from the encouragement Brian heaps on the hapless Mike that it is familiar road for the urban modern man. The easy way does most times lead you along the Chinese-Interesting- times* .

And when Mike finds enough spring in his steps it’s again to that garden wall, the wall that was to keep you away from that fruit of knowledge you so thirst for. This one fruit you have been asked to keep away from. the rest vast expanse all yours, but that tree blinds you to all the other realities that shine sparkle and live and with overreaching open arms beckons you to its throbbing with life, which has been denied only you, oh yes, you are convinced of that.

Well, it’s a nice little fable told well, and the pace of its telling only right. Oh, when Mike is left holding the tomato as the credits roll on, it could well be the very apple Adam looked hard and long at before he moved east of Eden to pick up the plough.


Exit west – Moshin Hamid

A dreamy book!exit west

Moshin lets the book sing out its story; it is melancholic and it is sweet.  Draws you into the think of it with the first few lines, like the first strains of a rock ballad, which promises to deliver an opera’s cringing cries, sighs and crescendos of joy and cheer, tears and goes on and delivers. Oh, and just like that Moshin takes you on a sweet ride as if on Cat Stevens’ gentle moon into its shadows.

It’s the story of Nadia and Saeed which begins in civil war torn city.   They fall in love: it’s innocent, it’s beautiful, it’s liberating as they find strength in each other, even as the world they lived in starts to fall apart around them.  There is hope, as they discover doors that liberate them from the strife that’s ebbing out life around them.  Each door is a little more freeing than where they were at.   Each time paying for freedom with the aching vacuums of a longing for home.

Saeed is as good man as can be in a story that is equally female.    He is the male who doesn’t always state his thoughts.   He is a quintessential today’s urban man, so in some very generally-speak, and so is Nadia a modern urban woman.  She wears a hijab because she wants to, it is has nothing to do with her faith,  but she keeps it on even as she walks the bold strides to exploring the new modern world, and into her walk of freedom.  Oh, yes freedom!  It’s a walk one as we have all learnt a walk for life; as like most state of idealism, the dynamic and being alive and conscious is the only answer we got thus far, definitely no destination to park at.   Or as Zakir Hussain said in a recent interview, the journey continues, looking for the best, and I hope I will never find it.

The pangs of longing, the fear of losing and loss itself, and reaching the unknown and the comfort of the other in journeys are beginning to draw their own roads.   Moshin, like all good authors am sure draws from deep within, and the lyricism comes from the lovely notes he strikes dripping into melancholy but almost never into the abyss of sadness or hopelessness.  There are doors, of perception and of new light and life.

Ah! Don’t we long for happy ending and do we get it?  Of course there are many moments of great happiness that come along on life’s tunnels and crevices and never so in the pursuit of that very end.

A story of love and loss told with such restraint that is throbs with the force from within.    Of course Moshin is the same one who wrote that brilliant book which was a lovely film too ‘the reluctant fundamentalist’.

Will Saeed and Nadia live happily ever after is not even a question I asked even as the love story began to bloom and find laughter in soothing whiff of spliffs.   Saeed doesn’t say much almost even quite content letting Nadia set the pace of the turns and moves in their relationship.  The guilt, and then the freedom from it, and the relief in the spaces you behold from the walls that crumble which you hid behind all along, and behold horizons unlimited.  I also did feel the tug at familiarity and what might seem like an answer does become what it really is: a good question towards the path to an answer.  I did already say it: was dreamy. The tale is as real as our dreams and as nightmarish as our real sometimes.  But the bitter sweet is a lovely narrative.  Do you fall out of love and do doors that open also shut out the spaces you walked out of?   Well, if we have grappled and then let time throw you answers you will find the paths we walk could be as familiar and still completely unique to the self.    Does Moshin attempt to reach for the soul? Do we ever reach to know that invisible?  I don’t think he set out to do that… but he does reach and takes the reader through pastures of delight and celebration, of broken lives and unsung songs.   The journey of the book does refresh your journey on.

There is another question we hear every so often in these days of short-term relationships.   Where it’s not doors we walk into together but often without the other, is that a path towards evolving, or are we going back to the caves to learn all over again?   When we call ourselves gregarious, it does include that we can’t really just break off from the stem we leached on, we carry the blood on into our journey on.

Further personal notes:  lately, I have enjoyed reading the authors writing in English from Pakistan.  It perhaps has to do with the feeling of foreign we have grown into in an urban city, even in the city of your birth and residence? do we belong anywhere anymore?   What is this longing for homeland?  It’s perhaps the gray we walk unconsciously through in the rampant material world that starts to speak in the lyricism of these authors… Moshin hits it true… so when I am not hunting for a book of Murakami in the library, I haven’t yet read,  I find reward closer home;  in the writings of authors of our neighbor inhabiting the subcontinent, most also residing out of there.


a slightly long sigh

The dull throb of listlessness
Waiting on the hurt of the next burning hot drop
To thump into the numb scalp
And then the open eyes see
the epicenter of the deep darkness
of the pitch dark gloom
The promises of light still beckon
‘but it is beyond this threshold’, she whispered.

My knees hurt from the running away

The pain is intense ever so often
From psychedelic full HD nightmares
As real as Maya and her sad laugh

Oh yes, those pinstripes of enabling light
In the darkness of the thick old blanket

The light comes in from the frayed edges
Of patches stitched over old tears of
Half fought battles
Of tough times and stumbling steps

Light that forced itself on my bleakness
That hope, wakes me up in cold sweat

There is solace still at the Rock
My parents set me up on in my far off youth
None at all at the sanctuary where the selfish greedy priest sits
He turned the water that make you thirst never more
Into an abyss of toxic waste
‘You all are to blame, you tragic losers’, his taunts echo.

My sighing and heaving bends the old rod I lean on
Still sturdy though, form the soaking of tears of my mother
The sweat that dropped on it from my father’s brow
when he smiled his bitter sweet
the strains of old hymns
the intermittent outpouring of love
the reluctant obedience of a daughter
the resplendent sunrise and sunset I sometimes see over the city smog
the selfless giving of friends…

I stopped at these water stations via dolorosa
Seeking my salvation

Luke it’s that guy david again…


The Pastorate Committee , Pastor, and all of you elsewhere,

It’s with a joyous heart I write you. It’s not everyday ‘the church’ wants to speak with me. And I am glad you did speak with me and allowed me some speak too. Well, in some way, this – asking for an apology and also the insinuation of me getting into serious trouble is in keeping with the times. Even though I think it unbecoming of an institution of over 125 years to belittle itself with this task that infringes on free speech. And the revered elected body should readily come after me with this task of gagging me.

But glad however, that there are printed copies of the article I shared on the Open Wesley Group. Wesley English Church online is an open Facebook group, welcome to all, and presently consisting of friends and members who attend Wesley and those who once did and those in far away places, as open as the hallowed grounds of the address on Promenade road is meant to be (our sign boards still says, ‘all are welcome’). I hope free speech and love that what our lord spoke of will be honored in our land and so too our Church. Just stating a very basic fact – more and more we seem to have departed from the core (and basic) itself, therefore the need to state the obvious. The very departure which bade you come to me with this situation.

So, now I write you my response, and I hope this missive too brings you all some mirth…

1) Apology: I do apologize for the hurt sentiments of those 2 or 3 people in the church, I am truly sorry, I didn’t mean to offend anyone, those 2 or 3 included. It’s as much their place as it is all ours. And that article in question was shared cause music and Church I love too. Oh, no, not at all a personal take on anyone doing things in our church. In the article Bill Blankschaen was talking about a church-singing, so why am I answering for Bill!.. but, I do however apologize, as requested by you, and will apologize online too – trying to work that into 144 characters. Why was I not asked about sharing the Pope’s message? Maybe the complaints missed that: Let the Church always be a place of mercy and hope, where everyone is welcomed, loved and forgiven.

2) Dear Family, that’s what I believe we are, and we can’t even look each other in the face(book). Is that not what we should deal with more vigor as a committee and community? But, we sit even at that rare opportunities we get in these hurried, harried, Modern Days of so little time; we choose to condemn and be exclusive?!

And all this was about my facebook update on Wesley Facebook page. And the link and post went thus: hmmm! wow! by George! NO!NO! introducing this would be like the Church Secretary giving you a gist of a 45 minute sermon in a minute…

That was such inspired writing by Bill Blankschaen:. And all I did was share it cause Blankschaen articulated his feelings and warm analysis and his insights into working at being a good community. And this I completely happened upon by chance. Well, there are no accidents I suppose. And yes, I feel him, when he talks of the music he can’t/won’t sing.

3) PC hears the voices from the church?!, well, in this case it did listen to one of it’s own, but still! Cause we don’t see the PC much, we assume they don’t. Well, not true I suppose! Some guys who actively want to be on the PC, believe that their material wealth is tied up in this Church and must actively try and mine it and take it home. Oh! And our Lord, didn’t call us to be submissive, stupid or not ask questions. Now where did you get that? That also from the Good Book. Aren’t we called the people of the book?

The church has moved Hate into it’s operation, and the bigger tragedy – love, the very core of our Christian being removed from all it’s operations. A church that has no other value than the material/money will have only it’s real estate/material, which really is not like holding on to the hand of the lord. Our core is being destroyed. Here’s a verse for some comic relief: * That’s how far we can go with material stuff – split and some casting of dice perhaps. They stole Him, when we were counting our money. So, then like Christ said, Peace I leave with you!

4) Recalling a Parable. We linger on the returning son and the fatted calf. But if you did look at the brother that was left out? Do now please! And after you read the verse wherein things were explained to him. Imagine what happened in the years after: they beat the older brother every time the prodigal even cried in his sleep?! ***

5) Random Pressing issues: now that the PC is listening to my whispers here’s a shout out of some random thoughts, not in any order of importance. And also just because I think we could work some real things together, with enabling love and forgiveness and that the Lord may wipe away our tears. Here goes:

  • The cross is not been lit for nearly a year now,
  • there is no light in the premises when there is an evening function,
  • the place near the gate needs repair,
  • the postbox is falling off…
  • the evening service?
  • the sign board that hasn’t reflected the change from over a year?
  • and then there is the big problem of negativity more than positivity in our church, not only are we not going after that 1 sheep that is lost.. we have stopped caring completely for the flock itself ** – where are some of those faces we used to know?,
  • maybe try and have that annual general body meeting (which hasn’t happened for the longest time). Well, maybe all this is not the PC’s concern!? How about the new venture of the school, which the Church knows not more than the limp flex that flaps in the wind. All I am saying is that there is so much to deal with in our little church that can only be dealt with as a committee, but the PC????!… Just saying. No, not at all complaining.

Thank you for taking the time to talk with me and now listening to this, my reply



21 April 2015

* Jesus said,.. And they divided up his clothes by casting lots. Luke 23:34
**Luke 15:4: “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it?

*** Luke 15:11-31: ‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours.

Soundtrack: We can work it out- (the Stevie Wonder version)

Rain – wash

poemclouds piled up: grey on grey
into the growing darkness rumbled a rolling long thunder
and poured forth joyous rain
raging storm inside joined  the pouring rhythm

moments without her
those hours churn acidic bile sharpening the tongue
reason and justifications started to roll out in reams
rhyming with pain was that life-beat

she said, my utopia has no place for you
mine wasn’t one without her
so when she flies around in her cage
the whispering raindrops melted the fearsome bars

Rain soothes, the weary bones start to tingle
veins chime in a new throbbing song
all suddenly awaking to a dead drop to plead:
sweet love, don’t go, it’s always too soon.

– may 2012